People often delay their decision to start therapy, believing that seeking help implies weakness. They often feel caught between a maladaptive belief that they need to "stay strong" and the courage it takes to reach out for support.
Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness, and flexibility does not indicate a lack of values. Both are highly adaptive capacities, essential for personal growth and healing and are strong indicators of a person’s resilience.
The Japanese proverb, "The bamboo that bends is stronger than the oak that resists," captures the profound importance of resilience, adaptability, and self-awareness. Gestalt therapy encourages us to fully inhabit our experiences and become more adaptable in the face of life’s inevitable challenges, rather than resisting or denying what is happening.
Imagine you’re in a high-stress job and take pride in your ability to handle everything on your own. You push through long hours and demanding projects, believing that any sign of struggle would reflect poorly on you. However, over time, the pressure begins to take a toll on your well-being—you start feeling increasingly anxious, withdrawn, and even physically unwell.
Initially, you might resist seeking support, thinking that asking for help would mean you’re weak. But after months of internal struggle, you decide to see a therapist. In sessions, you might explore the belief that vulnerability is a weakness and gradually begin to see it as a form of strength. You could learn to recognise and express your feelings, set boundaries at work, and reach out for support when needed. By embracing your vulnerability and allowing yourself the flexibility to adapt, you will find a sustainable way to manage stress, maintain your health, and remain effective in your career.
In this way, you would be “like bamboo”—you would bend instead of breaking, learning that resilience comes from adapting and finding balance, not from rigidly holding onto outdated beliefs about strength. This shift would allow you to become a more sustainable and resilient version of yourself, where vulnerability and flexibility are integral to your growth and well-being.
The oak in the proverb, which resists, symbolises rigidity and the idea of holding onto fixed patterns, familiar ways of being, and unfinished businesses. When we are like the oak, we may rely on inflexible defences, beliefs, or behaviours to maintain a sense of control or stability, often rooted in fear of vulnerability. However, this rigidity can backfire, especially when we’re confronted by forces beyond our control, such as trauma, situations evoking overwhelming emotions, difficult life transitions, or relational conflicts. In Gestalt therapy, we understand that such fixed stances can lead to repeated patterns of suffering, as the inability to adapt or accept change may result in inner or relational strain.
In contrast, the bamboo’s flexibility represents the Gestalt ideal of “staying with and adjusting to the flow of the process.” The bamboo bends with the wind rather than resisting it. Similarly, a Gestalt approach emphasises awareness, openness, and presence to the full range of our experiences. When we embrace the uncomfortable or challenging aspects of life, we allow ourselves to be moved by our experiences and to adapt accordingly, without losing our sense of self. This adaptability is not a weakness. It is vulnerability characterised by a conscious engagement with our reality, allowing us to find new ways to support ourselves and connect with others.
In practice, this means being open to noticing and accepting difficult emotions as they arise rather than pushing them away. It involves embracing a “both/and” mindset, where conflicting feelings or perspectives are allowed to coexist and be explored, rather than forcing them into a "right or wrong" binary. Ultimately, Gestalt psychotherapy fosters a "bamboo-like" presence, where we learn to bend with life’s challenges, cultivating resilience and flexibility that lead to a deeper, more sustainable strength.
Author: Aneta Gawin
November 2024
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